The Spirit of a Promise: Religion and divorce What is a broken promise? Is it just cheating? What about other things? What if a spouse who does NOT work will not move with you to a new job? What if they will not give you enough sex to satisfy you? What if they dont "back you up" in things (hard to describe, but some kind of intuitive felt support). In terms of religion, if the other party breaks their end of a promise, is the agreement over? I know this is very legalistic, but i do need to know this, for my conscience. I do understand that even if someone does you wrong, you can in mercy and forgiveness keep your end of the deal. But what Im asking is: in terms of the history and tradition and God-intended marriage, what is the "DEAL," and i mean that! What is the contract? What are realistic expectations that were intended? I would like to hear from ANY religion members, or people who even are spiritual, and people who are legal experts ...but to speak more about the "spirit" of the agreement of two people agreeing to be married. To me, a cheating spouse is clearly grounds for a divorce, but what of other more subtle things like: not as much as sex as you "need" to me satisfied, what about not wanting to move when you need to move with work, etc. See - these are not so blatant as cheating!

Thoughtful questions, I can only answer from my heart. I said in front of my family, her family and God, "Until death do us part" Nothing could have made me leave, everything would have been open to talking,compromising, seeking counseling. She has been gone 18 months and I have never looked at another. She finds reasons to stall the dissolution altho she is with someone else. I have remained faithful and pray daily that she finds her way back home.

Your wasting your life away waiting for her to come back to you. As long as you are showing you are waiting, she will continue to prolong the divorce. You're a security blanket to her. If she falls, then she knows you will be there to take her back. Don't be a door mat to this person.

Yes, but then mercy looks silly to many

My opinion I am unfortunatley in the process of making this determination for myself for the second time. I have spent alot of time (5+ years) praying and ignoring the answers because they weren't the "christian" response i had hoped for or expected. I believe that Gods hope for all of us is to be happy, and to love and be loved as He loves us. My situation is pretty much the same except the job as what you describe. It can be very hurtful to everyone (self, children, friends, family)when you are going through the difficult choices. Best of luck...

divorce Speaking from a Biblical perspective, God hates divorce, period. There is always 2 sides to every story and the man is fully responsible for being the leader and integrity figure in the household. The are many, many devices the church uses to ok divorce especially when physical, mental or vocal abuse is taking place along with other integers but the bottom line is God still hates divorce. Marriage is a contract to God and that should never been taken lightly and all you need to do is give it over to God and trust that HIS perfect will is going to be done in your situation. Recapping - God hates divorce, no matter who's fault, no matter what the details are. God can intervene if you just have faith, pray and live it God will intervene. Romans 8:28

Thanks, I read that in Malachi

So what would you do if you as authority figure, had a wife who would not satisfy you sexually or agree to move with you to a new city for work? Apply your wisdom of Solomon to this situation so that I can see it in action.

Divorce Well in the case of my last marriage. I had several opportunities to move out of state for several amazing opportunities but she wassn't open to moving with me to any other state because her relationship with her mom. The ending result of my marriage was very, very traumatic and very painful but I caved in and finally left the marriage. I would not suggest doing the same in yours as that is a huge mistake and you being the authority figure should take a loving but stronge action in standing your ground. But since you guys are separated right? and she's already left you and well that speaks for itself. If you have done wrong by her which we as men often do, you need to assess anything you have done to her and most importantly ask her forgiveness. We all have character flaws but God loves us none the less.In short, if you have a personal relationship with God I would pray, seek Godly councel from your pastor and then follow it and do the right thing. If you have done wrong to her in anyway then ask forgiveness, forgive yourself and again Lay it in God's hands and move on with your life. Sometime's it takes time for people to heal and with prayer and Christ restoration is always possible in God's timing and most importantly if you are living your life for Christ. Be Blessed :)

to clarify I satisfied her. Im very giving and patient. The acts requested were simple, normal, traditional -- just more than once in a night. I know what a real female orgasm looks and feels like in terms of muscles, breathing, and heart rate. I did well lol The move was not away from family. She just like the little town that neither of us were from. She really doesnt have any friends here. She cited safety, so i compromised and said ok lets get an even nicer home in a gated community.

So you left because you only were getting it Most men would kill to get it once a week from the posts I read here!

unless you're the woman experiencing the orgasm, you have ZERO clue whether the woman is actually experiencing an orgasm--most of us have mastered the acting art of faking quite well (try watching "When Harry Met Sally). Also, your pathetic attempt to garner support by cherry-picking from the Christian bible won't do you one bit of good in a court room. Try Google, but most states have no-fault divorce laws because both parties could be dragging all the dirty laundry into court to justify each side of a divorce. BTW, the verses that discuss a woman's duty to obey her husband don't stand alone. Continue to read ALL of the bible, and you'll find that you have specific duties as husband that include following God--not playing HIM.

out of points, sorry. PLUS x

MORE THAN ONCE A NIGHT?! Get real.....that's so absurd..... All this time I thought you were going through a 'tough' time because she was a wench to you. Now...it's because she won't DO you more than once a night?! You need serious therapy and NOT from the bible....You are one screwed up guy.

Is a marriage promise with God or with spouse? Is a marriage promise actually a promise with God? Or is it a promise and agreement with another person, blessed by God?

Can someone answer this?

You are looking for faith based answers

Did you take the traditional vows? I. John take thee Jane to be my lawful wedded wife....in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, til death do us part? You promised *her* before God and family most likely. Unless you put in a requirement for the number of times to have sex or bjs per day or week, and she must do whatever you want to sexually please you, she hasn't broken the contract. Most do assume they'll be pleased the rest of their life sexually when they get married but occasionally that doesn't happen for a number of reasons. Maybe you turn her off by not being good at it yourself, or by being so demanding about it, or by demanding she do things she doesn't want to. Maybe she has a health problem or her hormones are out of whack. Maybe the idea of sex with her "father" turns her off. We have no idea because we don't have her side of the story. Is she glad you're gone?

I know you dont want to hear this But there is no God. take responsibility for your actions and take control of your feelings. they are yours. nothing is meant to be. things happen because of the collective consequence of our actions, not by the hand of some "god". believe in yourself not a fairy tale. that said, there is more to marriage than fidelity. anything less than x% effort in support of your partners physical, emotional and intellectual needs is grounds for divorce. amen.

I had a personal experience with God's Love

Doubt it

Think about this I know it probably makes you feel better to think that you're doing this in the spirit of God or mercy, but its time to wake up. For all practical purposes, you are already divorced. The only thing of your marriage that remains is a legal document that says so. If all the other things you mentioned as part of marriage, such as sex, etc., are being shared with someone else.. get where this is going? Yes, God hates divorce, but you making official what she has already chosen for the both of you is a whole different story. There's nothing biblical about holding on to a "paper" marriage that someone else has opted out of. And I woudn't broadly define mercy as letting someone cheat on you, walk out for x months when they feel like it, then come back. Seems diametriy opposed to your "authority figure" description. If you want to make it work, get off the legalism obsession, start caring for the other person and seeing things through their eyes. I was in a marriage where everything we did was based on what we SHOULD do, not what we WANTED to do for each other out of love(note the WAS in a marriage). You see, when both people are concerned with loving each other, all the things you mentioned fall into place. Using the Bible, or anything legal, to force someone to do/not do something against their wishes, or to do the same for yourself, will only end up in divorce. Which, is what sounds like will be happening, either now, or after the next affair. Simply put, if the other person has left and will not commit to follow you in your views of "working on marriage", then its time to move on.

did you read he wants sex more than once a night that's apparently a deal breaker for him. I think HE has chosen HIS path, not the other way around.

And I want a man committed to fullfilling all my include me being a cave-kept being where sex and sex alone are what equates to being 'married'....sex more than once anight every night is more than caveman like B.S. Thank God for evolution!

I didn't see that part.. But, I do know that a way to a woman's heart(and body) is NOT through legalism.. I suppose if he does want it more than once a day there are much better ways to go about it(should I cut him a copy of my Luther Vandross or Barry White cd's?) haha.. Otherwise, he needs to find a woman who will put out whenever she wants just cause she's **supposed** to, and will probably find she's an absolute bore. Oh, and when his first post sounds like a doctor trying to describe an orgasm, I can see one more reason why there wasn't more than once a day! I couldn't tell a woman she had an orgasm that way and not break out laughing. I suppose there's much less *biological* ways to describe romance?

AMEN!!!!!!

You need to personally research this topic from different faith based beliefs. I recommend you make an appointment to visit with a Catholic Priest for an hour and 'chat' about this. Then do the same with a Baptist preacher....and so on and so on.... Which ever faith based communities you care to ponder, these questions can be explored in this manner. You already seem to have legal knowledge on this subject. You need hard core information to sift through to find peace within yourself on this topic. No CL post will give you the answer you are looking for. It may take years, maybe a life time for you to come to grips with these thoughts and questions.

not married but i know (not divorced either ) and not separated)--but heres the answer--a marriage contract reads like this"""you your partner and God and the state of..."some states leave the God word out of the contract--i explained this before- also--whats your problem??why are you not happy??i'm not understanding the rest of your post?--try and work it out with your wife--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

he's not happy because he only gets sex once