I'm sorry a few big problems I see 1- She cannot be bothered to have sex with you but will do anything to continue these affairs. It's over, and been over a long time, I'm sorry to say :-( 2- You cannot control her and expect it to get better. You sold her computer? disconnected her internet & home phone? locked her cell phone? Snoop in her e-mails? I totally understand why you were doing that, and it's good you have the proof you need. Problem is you had that prood when she had the computer. You shoudl no have had to do any of those things. 3- The fact that she just finds another way to contact these guys, is just such a huge red flag, she's willing to let you think you have some control so you'll stick around when you have none. Please move on for your own well being, this is NOT healthy, it's sickening what she is doing to you.

I'd rebel too You sound pretty damn controlling. You "let" her do this and that. You sold the computer and canceled your internet, you put a block on "her" cell phone, you put a block on the home phone.

she's been doing this for years and you are not her father. you should not have to confiscate her belongings to get her to stay away from other men.

Re-read that a few times I love her she's all I've known for nearly a decade I cheated on her when we were dating. cheating does not equal love. Although it sounds like you worked through that and that's fine. But it does not excuse one afffair on her part, let alone a bunch of them. And she's all you've known. That's why you're afraid, You can't love her. or you shouldn't.

well, think about this - is it worth getting screwed to get screwed? staying in this relationship says more about you than her. if you come from a broken home, then chances are as a child you wanted to keep your family together and would have done anything to do so. the same scenario is playing out in your adult life now. i would go for counseling and find out why you want to be with someone who obviously isn't emotionally or physiy available to you.

Too many issues! I'm glad you are going to therapy. I take it she is serious about working on all these issues or is she just doing this to play nice? She has so many things going against her. All the core values of a relationship have gone right out the window. Where do you start? You can't keep packing your bags and then unpacking them. You're only teaching her that your threats of leaving are just a show. Have you considered a separation? She really needs a wake up . You shouldn't have to work full time and come home and do all the work around the house while she is tramping around. This is SO wrong on so many levels. What is she teaching the ? I could go on and on.

I'm hoping that she really is trying to fix things by going to therapy. But I'll know more in the next two days or so. I'm going to talk to her about the emails I've found, either just us or in our first session if it goes that far.

I'm leaning towards cutting bait For some reason she needs all this attention from other guys but isn't willing to give you the attention you need. She doesn't help out around the house. You take her outside communication away but she still goes to the cyber cafe. What good is this? She says she will stop but doesn't. You'll have a better idea of her true intentions after therapy. I would start making a plan for the outcome.

Sounds like a sex addiction get help

I don't know if she's an addict or not. I do everything to her sexually that she's ever wanted. I don't know what these cyber lovers give her that I don't.

attention from other men she sounds like an attention whore.

Again... I don't know. I always kiss on her, see if she needs anything if I'm headed to the kitchen, all that stuff. I don't know if it's something I did, or if she's just not happy anymore.

I think it has nothing to do with you and she just likes attention from men.

I don't know when it started, but I'm hoping it's her bipolar condition. If that's all it is, maybe the meds and therapy will help. But if she's still carrying on these cyber affairs...?

if she's still carrying on then you need to leave. you've taught her that you're full of empty threats. until you teach her that you mean business she's probably not going to change much.

You're probably right, but I want to exhaust everything before I pack up and leave. Besides, after all of this, I've let myself think alot of this is my fault even though I don't think I've done anything wrong. So my self-esteem is so low now, I'm starting to believe that I deserve this. But what really bugs me most is that she's not once apologized for doing all this. I don't think she feels sorry for any of it.

yeah, that's not good here's the thing. moving out doesn't mean divorce. You can separate for a while, continue going to counseling, and see how things go. If things get better you can go back after X months. If they don't you go for the full divorce. This isn't on you. The fact that she doesn't see a problem with it tells a lot about her. She sounds a bit sociopathic. Antisocial Personality Disorder is chronic, beginning in adolescence and continuing throughout adulthood. There are ten general symptoms: not learning from experience no sense of responsibility inability to form meaningful relationships inability to control impulses lack of moral sense chroniy antisocial behavior no change in behavior after punishment emotional immaturity lack of guilt self-centeredness

If it is bipolar it won't matter if he followed through on her threats. She won't care. They live for the manic times. She sounds out of control.

And Dude, you have some serious co-dependency issues yourself! You are enabling her behavior. I've delt with the same thing myself. Has she attempted suicide yet? The xnd time she threatened it, I said go ahead! She spent x days in a psych ward of a local hospital after that and finally started addressing her problems and took her meds seriously. Unfortunately by then the marriage was in shambles and I could not recover from it.

Don't have sex with her anymore You could get one of those diseases that never goes away and endangers any future woman in your life who might actually love you. If what you say is true, this is over man. You need to stop asking what you should do, accept it, and do it. If you love her, you can offer your support in her getting over her mental illness as a friend, but not as a husband. But she probably don't want your help...sounds like the only thing you're providing that she wants is financial means to keep indulging in her sickness.

Bipolar Bipolar Disorder can lead to serious risk taking behavior, which is what she's exhibiting. It sounds like she either has been in a manic phase for a while, or is rapid-cycling (myself). Mental Health is as serious as Physical Health. Bipolar Disorder can be prevented no more than a congenital heart defect or appendicitis. However with proper treatment (therapy, medication and support) the effects on self, friends, family and career can be minimized. Being the spouse of someone with a mental health problem can be incredibly difficult, more so than a physical illness because it is so hard to really understand the problem and the effects. BPD usually is onset in early xs but can of course develop later in life. One in Five people in America have BPD yet little is known about it by the general public. Finding a good psychiatrist and therapist is ESSENTIAL. However it sounds like there are other issues, which may or may not be worsened by the BPD. Best of luck, and please feel free to email me if you want to talk, I am always happy to help someone who has to deal with mental health issues, as it's prevalent in my family and my life. As for the suggestion it's a sex addiction, if that were the case she'd be jumping you too. Sex addiction means the person CONSTANTLY wants sex and will do about anything to get it, all day long. I would not jump to this conclusion. Her therapist/doctor can explore that if need be.

I appreciate it... I do believe that once our youngest was born, she went into Post Partum (sp?) Depression, and really never came out. And mental health problems do run in her family. Her great aunt was/is bipolar with schizophrenic tendencies. I'm doing the best I can to support her, making sure she writes in her journal, goes to her disability lawyer, sees her therapist, etc., but if she keeps having ANY kind of contact with her former "lovers", I don't know what to do. It seems she can't have any sort of platonic relationship with men online. And stringbeanman, I really don't know if she had any RL affairs. The person who told me she did could have been lying to me about them. The person at the time was upset with my wife for reasons I don't know, and they could have been just telling me what I wanted to hear. My biggest problem is, she is such a GREAT lover when she wants to be. She is MY greatest weakness. The idea of making love to her IF she has been sleeping around revolts me, but if she were to dress in sexy lingerie and tell me to do whatever I wanted to to her, I'd be hard pressed not to give in.

so you enjoy having a slut? You would sleep with her if she tells you? You do whatever she tells you, believe what she tells you to. Sorry but that's pathetic. Many people are with people who do housework, have morals, don't lie, cheat, defend themselves when they are wrong. Love and respect their s/o. If you want to try couples counseling go for it. But if that doesn't work get out. I hope you don't have daughters because mommy is setting a bad example.

Unfortunatly... we do. Well, we have an eight year old together and she has a mid-teen daughter from a relationship that failed. The teen knows most of what is going on, and she's going through the whole "rebellion" stage at the same time, so it's VERY stressful around our house. To make matters worse, most of the people my wife hangs out with are teenaged boys. Our youngest knows some of what is goin on, because I blew up in our living room when I discovered the erotic texts. I ed my mother-in-law to come get the kids so they wouldn't hear everything. But she knows. She asked my mother-in-law, and I quote, "Why can't Mommy be nicer to Daddy?" And yeah, if she wanted me to sleep with her, I probably would. She's always been the dominant one in our relationship, and for the most part, I don't mind doing most of the work as long as I get help. And I haven't been for a couple of years, but I can't stand to have a nasty house, dirty laundry, that kind of stuff, so I do it, because if I don't, it won't get done. But I don't belive a word coming out of her mouth lately. If she told me the sky was blue, I'd go out and check myself. I'm just trying to do everything to keep this marriage going. If therapy, ((a few sessions)), doesn't change anything, I'm gone. I'll miss her, but I'm tired of being hurt. What irks me to no end, is all through this, she claims SHE'S been the one hurt because she stays home all the time. I simply look at her and say, "You wanted to be a stay at home Mom. You don't do anything here because you don't have the energy, but if one of your "buddies" needs a ride or something, you jump out the door. How are YOU the one being hurt?" Then she brings up the "You're not happy cause I'm not fucking you like you want" speech.

You really need to seriously think about how this is affecting your oldest girl. Try to have a long serious talk w/ her at the very least. This is very sad.

Sounds like bipolar to me too I was married to a bipolar woman for x years. It sure is a roller coaster ride. Throw in a borderline personality disorder and it makes it worse. Essentially if it feels like whatever you do is not good enough then she may be that way. Find a good therapist and psychiatrist and support her. Hopefully she can get things turned around.

This is going to be harsh Dude, grow some fucking balls. Seriously. Do you have such low self-esteem that you will continue to let her act this way without showing her you are serious? Do you think so little of yourself that you think you deserve this type of person in your life? You come from a broken home, but is it better for your child to hear all the yelling/screaming/arguing and see the hatred that will arise between the two of you because of your wife's inability not to want to take other guys cocks? Its past time you find your testicles, because somewhere in the course of this marriage you lost them.

Has she ever been raped? I ask because chicks who go through that will go in two directions. They'll either close up and rarely have sex again or they'll do what your wife is doing. DTMFA now, it'll only hurt more the longer you wait.

you're her DOORMAT! she has no respect for you and it's killing your self-esteem! stop making excuses for her and take care of yourself!